Lehigh Valley Public Media’s Horrendous Help-Wanted Press Release Shows That the Organization Still Doesn’t Get It; Time to Stop Pretending

— Jeff Ward, Lehigh Valley News Briefs

Lehigh Valley Public Media has found a new way to waste money. It’s paying a consultant for garbage.

The Bethlehem-based public outlet has retained Sally M. Sterling Executive Search to help it find a new chief executive.

And what did they get? An unreadable, at times laughable, multi-page press release that is supposed to be a HELP WANTED ad.

I’ve read tens of thousands of press releases over the years. This one goes into the Bad Statement Hall of Fame. I wrote about it yesterday, but it deserves some extra attention because of how it reflects on LVPM.

I’m going to be honest. I didn’t read the whole thing. I didn’t have to. It’s the kind of doggerel that editors zip past on a busy news day. See it here for yourself, but you’ve been warned! This public relations belch may cause dizziness and induce stupor.

Among the gems in here: “close proximity” (always the best kind of proximity); “reimagine” (no non-profit group’s statement is complete without this worthless word); “spearhead robust fundraising,” of course; “key stakeholders” as if there are other kinds; “enhancing existing revenue streams” and the candidate must have “critical competencies.”

Not just competencies, or competence, but “critical competencies.”

That’s just a taste of this warm mug of blather.

Here’s a paragraph that defies reality and logic. It’s a hot pile of shipoopy.

“Be a systems thinker and advocate for intelligent change, modeling flexibility
and openness to experimentation without sacrificing a commitment to quality
content, audience engagement, metrics, decreased financial risk, and outcomes.”

Somebody suggested to me it was written by Artificial Intelligence.

I disagree. AI would have done better. That paragraph is an abomination. Where is the translation button?

“For plain English, press here.”

Presumably, Sally M. Sterling Executive Search, based in the D.C. area, did what it was told.

So what happened when this jargon jam went to the board and Laks Srinivasan, acting chief executive? They accepted it.

I’d have fired the consultant. If I couldn’t do that, I might have told them, “This would get an F in any class, so do it again, cut it down to one page and don’t put the most important stuff at the bottom.”

What I’d really have done is, do it myself. I’d then leave out the part about “close proximity” to beaches, because I don’t think Beltzville State Park counts.

LVPM has been pretending for a long time.

Pretending that issuing bombastic statements about pet projects makes those projects important.

Pretending that they’ve been running Lehigh University’s public radio station, WLVR, when it’s been on autopilot.

Pretending that anybody wants to watch “Father Brown” reruns.

Pretending that they have a reason to exist beyond their $75 million endowment (public money).

Stop pretending. It’s time to get real.